It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes. --Psalms 119:71
Good Day Friend!
Are you over it yet?
A little while ago, I started to reminisce over my short 26 years of life and these going on 20 years that I have been saved. Most of my memories are filled with joy and gladness and made me laugh out loud when I began to think back on so many good times. I remembered the fun times I used to have (and still have) with my family, my friends and the days that I used to play records and dance with my dog (LOL!). I remembered how I wanted to drive so bad one time when I was 5 years old that I got behind the wheel of my Nana's orange Volkswagen Beetle stick-shift and called myself doing it like she did and pulled that clutch back only to my amazement to have the car start going in reverse (my God!). Luckily, my uncle was nearby and was able to stop the car before I went into traffic (and actually I did that a couple of times...what can I say I was a kid....LOL!) I began to think about how I couldn't wait until Friday nights to go to choir rehearsals at my uncles store front church (but you couldn't tell us there was any difference between our 50 seats and the larger edifices in the city). There I would see my Minister of Music (the late Elder Timothy Judson) who was larger than life to me and all of my friends and family at church. I remembered going to my first musicals and being captivated by the sights and sounds of Michael Fletcher and the Michael Fletcher Chorale, Derrick Milan and the Peter's Rock Mass Choir, Toni Booker and the Booker Productions, Joe Smith's Blessings and Praise and how could I ever forget the Maestro himself Thomas Whitfield and the Whitfield Company. I thought about my trips to Africa and the many other places on the globe that I have traveled to and all the opportunities that I have been afforded. I began to think of my college years and the Gospel Choir of Oakland University where I used to serve as Director. I thought about the first time I met my life long best friend and brother Tim and how we used to just take those bomb road trips as broke college students...ballin' on a budget...LOL! I remembered how I met my now God Sister Tiffany in the halls of the OC (the Student Center) and how she invited me to the Gospel Choir Icebreaker my freshman year of college. I thought of all the times that me, Tiff, Danielle and Virginia used to spend together making up songs, harmonizing, praying and worshiping and how they were my first lil fan club when I started my first group VDPP. I began to smile at the memories of how they were there at all my events and how they used to ask me before engagements and concerts "doc, which shout you going to pull out today" and how they used to watch me to see which dance I was going to pull out (LOL! Although all my dances or "shouts" were all were the same to me...YALL STILL CRAZY!) They would even tell me if my dance was on-point or not (it was all in good fun!). And as quickly as my heart was filled with joy by those and the many other good times I have experienced, I began to think about some of the not so good times of my life.
As I sat there some of those old memories started to hurt real bad. They hurt to the point where anger and rage started to come up in me and in the midst of that I heard the Lord say...."are you over it yet?" That's why I love God because he knows how to bring you front and center with your own issues! I then answered the Lord "no." He then spoke back to my spirit and said "deal with it." "How," I said and He spoke back "FORGIVE" and I remembered a message preached by my sis-n-law Teresa Hobson which was actually her trail sermon on Forgiveness. And as hard as it was I had to one by one begin the process of forgiveness in my heart for those people and situations that hurt me so bad. I then asked God, "why do I have to forgive? They did this and they did that to me...why do I have to be the one to forgive them when they hurt me. Please explain this to me Lord...cause I'm not feeling this forgiveness thing right now!" (Don't look at the screen like that you know you have felt the same way before! I'm just strong enough to admit it I HAD A PROBLEM WITH FORGIVING FOLK!) And all He said to me was "it was necessary!" "It was necessary?" I questioned and then it started to make a lil bit more sense to me. You see no matter how horrible your past may have been, if you allow it to, your pain can help fulfill your purpose. I know that many of us have heard this before and may have thought, "nall, I'm keeping that one to myself. Why should I have to be the one that gets hurt in-order to help somebody else." But believe it or not, in this life and on this terra firma, you will experience heartache and pain. And that goes for those who are saved and believe in Christ and even those who are not. But the turning point for those who seem to get over it and those who are ultimately consumed by their past is what they do with what they went through!
We see it all the time, people write #1 best sellers out of their personal experiences. And those books, movies, (Oprah Shows...LOL!), etc., go on to help other overcome what it is that the writer or speaker has experienced and overcome (or is overcoming...deliverance is a process sometimes you know). The bible is filled with people whom we are given insight to their struggles and trials and how they overcame. Now, their experiences are testament of God's goodness and delivering power. But on the flip side we also see those who have allowed the pain and guilt of their past to consume them and utterly overtake them. You will find some of these people also telling their stories but in the parking lots of the local gas stations and supermarkets while asking you for change. One day I took time and listed to a man tell me his life story while pumping my gas. And as he talked about how this misfortune happened and how that one used him and let him down, I said to myself then...this man allowed all this hurt and pain to literally drive him to the crazy house. My heart filled with compassion as I saw what my life would in return be like if I didn't allow God to comfort and heal my heart from my past. Furthermore, I knew I would have to take the next step and forgive and then help somebody else through my experience. Let me pause here and say that there is NOBODY or NOTHING worth loosing your mind or your health over! If you are around somebody or something that tries to tell you, you aren't worth anything without them or tries to make you feel low to exalt themselves...GET AWAY QUICK BABY! You are worth more than that. I don't care who it is, your mother, father, friends, peers or maybe even your Pastor...get away from those destiny killers immediately! Know your worth, never feel like you have to "dummy up" to be accepted by somebody and NEVER settle for ANYTHING beneath what God has promised you! (OK...back to the message *smile*!)
In Psalms chapter number 119 the writer speaks the sentiments of their experiences as a Christian believer and how that coincided with the everyday life dealings and their sometime conflicting hearts desire to please God. This Psalm is also noted to be the statement of a believers experience. Psalms 119:65-72 says it like this (and I'm quoting it from the Message Bible for clarity) "Be good to your servant, God ; be as good as your Word. Train me in good common sense; I'm thoroughly committed to living your way. Before I learned to answer you, I wandered all over the place, but now I'm in step with your Word. You are good, and the source of good; train me in your goodness. The godless spread lies about me, but I focus my attention on what you are saying; They're bland as a bucket of lard, while I dance to the tune of your revelation. My troubles turned out all for the best—they forced me to learn from your textbook. Truth from your mouth means more to me than striking it rich in a gold mine." Here we see the poetic utterance of the Psalmist basically saying to God--Lord I'm yours, do that for me which you said you would in your word. Make me into a mature being as I want to live and do your will. Before, I allowed my past to forecast my future, I acted out of defense and anger instead of allowing you to move and speak through me. You are good and I thank you for being patient with me, teach me how to flow and operate in your loving kindness. Lord, they lied on me, abused me, mistreated me, got over on me, profited off of my gifts and let me struggle but hey I'm trusting in you to keep me even as I live and walk amongst those who want to devour me, but I still got a praise in me. Moreover, Lord it was good that I had some haters and for some to walk out on me, they pushed me closer to you and to a place where you could speak revelations and endow me with your presence and anointing. Some evil came to destroy me, but I'm still standing and my haters, they just kept me on top of my game! Lord now I trust wholeheartedly in your Word and would rather have the assuredness of your Word than the approval, riches and the glory of millions. WOW!
My friend, I want to encourage you today that what you went through or are even going through now is not to make you bitter but to make you BETTER! Begin to allow the Lord to hold you in his arms and begin to deal with and confront the things that try to keep you captive, angry and filled with bitterness which only keeps you from the promises of God for your life. And even if it was your fault or you are guilty of being the source of someone else's hurt...do what you know you need to do to make it right. Because when it all boils down to it, if you allow the fruit of your bad deeds to continue to take root, those same roots just may come back to choke you....the sower of those bad seeds. My friends, I don't try to paint perfect pictures of myself to you or anyone else for that matter. I am a work in progress, but I understand that my healing comes from helping others through what it is that I may have experienced. Let me tell you this, we don't help others by trying to be this made up perfect being who feels no hurt and has never done anything wrong or been through any tragedy. We help others through our experiences and by being honest. I'm very fearful of preachers and individuals who get up and say I haven't done this and I haven't done that and preach at people as if what they are experiencing is because they are not as perfect as them. HOGWASH! We see it over and over again where God used parables to bring about change and deliverance and provoke thought in people. Who can you bring about change, deliverance and provoke thought in through telling your story and helping someone else though their problems by letting them know, hey I've been there, done that, and been through that but God is a deliverer and a healer if you allow him to be just that to you.
I'm telling you, this has been a great task for me to begin to actually forgive people that have done me wrong and to actually share this particular part of myself, but if it will help somebody then I told the Lord that I was willing to do it. As I look back at the good and the bad I've experienced I wouldn't change a thing! I understand more now than ever that there is good that can and will come out of whatever situation we face in life. Some of my worst life experiences brought about "even greater things" (for my Dallas peeps) in my life. Let me tell you this...I have gotten more engagements, clientele and opportunities though people gossiping and trying to down play me...so much so that people kept hearing my name from my haters and decided to check me out for themselves. I still owe a few people thank you notes for their free advertisements! LOL! Know this...although a lie will travel quicker and sometimes farther than truth...the truth will still be sitting there after the winds have blown and the storms have exposed and washed away the lies. Just know my friend no matter how bad the pain of your past or even your today may seem, there will come a blessing out of this that will make you blush!
So as I look at how I endured sexual abuse as I child, I can stand today and say that it was necessary for me to go through that so that I can minister to young people and even adults who have been in abusive households and relationships and I can look at them and tell them with surety that they don't have to become an abuser (as the world and the system says they will) just because they were abused. I can let them know that what they are feeling, God can and will heal them and I can speak hope into them that one day they will tell their story and set many people free because there are so many out there that feel like no one understands or has experienced what they have....just like my God Mom Tina Bryant spoke into me as a young boy. Now, I can look at all the hurt I have endured in the church and how I have been manipulated, used up and then discarded by some of my peers, and past Pastors & Bishops, etc., that were supposed to cover me and some I even called "dad" or my "spiritual father" and that I had so much trust and confidence in and I can say it was necessary so that I can tell up and coming ministers, choir directors and psalmists, etc., when they come to me explaining similar situations that I have endured to be not dismayed because people don't understand your gift or your calling. I can speak to them and remind them to keep their trust and hopes in God and not in man, because as much as we love people they (and we) error sometimes. I can tell them to know their value and not to settle for just anything, just like my big bro Kevin would tell me when I was going through some "Saul and David" type situations at the hands of a few pastors I had submitted to and that I had to forgive for allowing their immaturity to see me as a threat to them and their positions instead of as a son who just wanted to sit and learn from them. I can even begin to look at and deal with the more intimate details of my life such as overcoming low self esteem (yeah I know right...me with low self-esteem...YES that was once me!) and I can tell them that you have to love, value and cherish the man (or woman) in the mirror and be totally comfortable and confident with yourself without putting on any heirs...but by just simply loving all of you...errors and all. People may look at you (as they look at me sometimes) and say "you so arrogant", "you just think you all that don't you" because you know your value and are CONFIDENT with that which THE LORD has placed in you...all you have to do is smile and say to yourself...if they only knew what it took for me to get to this place! And that my friend will begin the beautiful road to your healing and ultimate fulfillment in life. So join me on a journey of being made whole as we together begin to look at those hurtful situations and dealings in our lives and begin to forgive ourselves, forgive others and begin to spread healing by helping others who have or are going through those very things that God has delivered us through. I guarantee that you will find, once you take the focus off of you and place it on helping others through what you have been through, you too will say "IT WAS NECESSARY!"
God Bless you and know that I love you and am praying for you! Thank you for those who are praying for me and all of you who write me on a weekly basis to let me know how this ministry has been a positive influence and encouragement to you as you walk your daily walk with Christ. As well, thank you to those who forward these messages of encouragement to others which has caused people from all over the globe to write and say how this ministry is affecting their lives. It is my prayer that through these weekly inspirations that I push someone into greater purpose and destiny for their life. I also pray that I would agitate the kingdom of hell as I endeavor to shake the grip of the enemy and snatch someone out of the fires and pits of hell. It is not my endeavor to be famous but rather to be effective!
Much Love to you,
Clyde L. Webster
Songs of Encouragement in the I-POD for this week:
-For My Good (VaShawn Mitchell & Friends, album: Promises)
-Somehow (Derrick Milan & The KREW) coming soon!
-You Just Dont Wanna Know (my spiritual Pops--Bishop Marvin L. Winans, album: Alone But Not Alone) coming soon! myspace.com/marvinwinansmusic
-Take It From Me (You Can Be Free) (yours truly--Clyde L. Webster, album: Testimonies of a Survivor featuring Another Chance) solo project coming soon!
-Stronger (Myron Butler & Levi, album: Stronger)
-Don't Give Up (Kevin Hobson, album: Kevin Hobson presents Overcomers) soon to be re-released through EMI Gospel with never before heard tracks!
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